May 2013
22 posts
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A million thoughts
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Tonight I feel like I have about a million thoughts going through my mind. All thought up during tonight’s church service. Be advised, this is going to get long.
First of all, I’m still uncertain how I feel about my relationship with my religion right now. I mean, I believe and everything but I’m still feeling a bit distanced with everything that I’m currently...
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Social Anxiety
I have social anxiety. That much is certain.
Yet, there are times when it doesn’t seem to get to me nearly as bad and that’s what I don’t quite understand.
For instance, I’m headed to a comic con next weekend and you would think I’d be a little freaked out about it. But I’m really not. I’m excited about it and not all that nervous.
The thing is though, this will be my 3rd year...
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Why?
I know that although I’ve been diagnosed with depression that it’s still ok for me to have moments of unexplained sadness and feel like crying. It’s still ok for me to have a good cry if I really need to.
So why does it feel like a bad thing sometimes? Why does it feel like because I’m on an antidepressant and also in therapy I shouldn’t be feeling this way?
Why...
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This week has honestly been emotionally rough on me and I don’t really understand why.
Too much on my mind I guess.
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I really want to know: Is it a bad thing to be on antidepressants for depression and yet still have times where you just feel like a good cry will help?
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Everyone keeps trying to help me and its nice but also it’s getting to be just too much for me. I can make my own decisions. I know what I want to do in life and frankly, most of what everyone else wants me to do, isn’t it.
I just want them to back off. I’m going to figure things out. I’ll be ok.
Just give me a chance. I’m trying. Believe me.
This extra stress isn’t helping my mental...
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I give very good advice...
[[MORE]]So a friend of mine is trying not to have an anxiety attack right now while trying to unpack and so I tried to give some friendly advice to help.
But then I realize, I’m probably not the best person to help with this situation. After all, I still have some boxes in my room right now that I haven’t even unpacked from when I moved. Honestly the thought overwhelms me and I feel...
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I’m having unexplained feelings today. I’m having moments where I feel teary but they are brief. Trying hard to stay positive; think positive thoughts but it’s a bit difficult.
Not quite sure what’s going on with me.
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[[MORE]]When I was first diagnosed with depression and talking to my doctor about being put on an antidepressant, she asked me if I ever had suicidal thoughts.
I’ve been asked that question several times before by other therapists and my answer has always been no. I never have had such thoughts with my depression.
Yet, I know it’s an important question to ask. The thing is that...
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Rainy days and depression
I feel like I’m feeling my depression symptoms more today because it’s raining outside. This is despite the fact that I’m taking an antidepressant to help with my depression.
Is this normal to have happen? Rainy days have just never really made me extremely happy but I feel that because I have depression, it makes them a bit worse.
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Depression is not a one-size-fits-all disorder
Perhaps the reason it took so long for me to be officially diagnosed with depression is because I didn’t show a lot of the typical signs especially not a lot of early signs. At least not at first.
Certainly not to myself either. I did have some loss of interest in things but not in what I thought was the typical symptom of depression was. Similarly I didn’t have suicidal thoughts.
...
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Perhaps we never really dealt with The Incident in my counseling sessions because there was just so many other things I was also dealing with at the time.
Maybe that’s why I’m still struggling with flashbacks.
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Job search stress
I think it honestly think I would see much more improvement in my depression and anxiety issues if I wasn’t currently having to deal with the stress of trying to find a job.
I just think that my return to normalcy and adjusting to my diagnoses would be a bit easier if I wasn’t dealing with all this pressure and stress .
None of this stress is helping me any but then again, perhaps...
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Questioning my improvement
How can I tell if this dosage is helping me any if I still seem to be experiencing some slight symptoms of depression?
Then again, I don’t really know if it’s because of depression or something else.
Can you still have moments and be on an antidepressant? Does this mean I need another increase in my dosage?
I’m still trying to figure everything out in regards to this...
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Dosage Increase: Day 8
It’s officially been a week since I began taking the dosage increase of my antidepressant . I think the increase is helping. But then I don’t really know exactly.
I still feel like I have some moments of unexplained sadness. But then I can’t really tell.
How am I supposed to tell if this increase is helping or if I need another increase?
I feel even better than I have and...
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I want to travel and visit new places but at the same time I’m a bit scared to do so.
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The struggles of others
I know I’m suffering. I know I’m struggling with things in my life right now. I have my own pain.
Yet, it pains me a great deal to see others in pain too. Especially when it’s a friend of mine.
She has had so many struggles in her life and has just had such a hard time recently. I see her suffering. I see her in pain and I want to help her so badly, but I don’t know...
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Future mental health care
When I finally find a job and move elsewhere, I’ll probably look for a psychiatrist since I’ll still be on meds and that would probably be the best choice for me in terms of continued mental health care.
But I’m wondering if being diagnosed with depression and anxiety and being recommended to take antidepressants by someone who isn’t a psychiatrist, will effect things.Like I wonder if that will...
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Dosage Increase: Day 6
Things continue to improve and I continue to adjust to this increase. I have noticed that there is still a little bit of unexplained sadness that occurs without notice. Still a little bit of increased anxiety. It really doesn’t last all that long though. Particularly the sadness. It’s there and I notice it but it lasts only about a minute and then it’s gone.
It’s a...
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A Difference
It’s truly amazing how much different you can feel once you have your depression under control. I feel so differently about things now. I feel much more positive and hopeful about things.
I didn’t realize how much I was truly suffering and how long I was suffering. i didn’t realize how unmotivated I was about things. I didn’t realize just how depressed I truly was until...
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I honestly don’t know if sometimes it’s my depression and other mental health issues making me feel this way or if it has nothing to do with that at all.
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megastellarhydrostatic:
Today someone actually commented on the fact that I seem happier.
So yay! Progress!
April 2013
47 posts
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Dosage increase: Day 3
I did some exercise today. My exercise being my Just Dance game. I just felt like it for once. Which I guess is definitely a sign of improvement since i haven’t felt like doing any sort of exercise in some time.
Also I just seem to continue feeling better. Of course there are still issues and will be for some time but I feel a bit better about them; the way I feel about certain things.
...
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I think I’m doing ok. My anxiety seems to lessen; my fears fade. But then suddenly out of nowhere, they return in an almost crippling way and it’s hard to not think about them.
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Dosage increase: Day 2
Could it be possible that the dosage increase is working this quickly? It’s only the 2nd day but already I feel like things have improved once more. I’m still dealing with some increase anxiety but that’s mostly because of other things going on. But I am feeling a bit better. It’s likely still too soon to tell. But it is also possible that I’ve found the right dosage...
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My doctor told me that exercise would help me with my depression. But the thing is that it’s hard to motivate yourself to do anything much less exercise when you really depressed.
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I still feel like I have some unexplained sadness tonight. However, as I just started taking an increased dosage today, that’s probably to be expected. It won’t kick in for a bit and there’s still the possibility that I might still need an increase.
I’m still learning what it all means for me to have this and sometimes I can’t help but wonder what’s truly...
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It seems as though ever since being diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I can’t help but wonder what other mental health issues I’m dealing with. I feel like I’m struggling with a lot of different things. But it seems like they just all are parts of the main problem I’m having. I feel like all my problems are related.They are all just parts of the same puzzle.
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When I think about it, it’s interesting how a good friend of mine picked up on the fact that I might need meds for my anxiety and depression long before a therapist ever did.
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Dosage increase: Day 1
So today is my first day taking 75mg of Zoloft instead of 50mg. I know it’s going to take a bit of time for me to notice a difference but hopefully this increase will be good for me. I realize it’s a trial and error thing. It’s going to take time to find the right dosage and such.
Of course it also doesn’t help that my anxiety is already increased and has been since...
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The one thing a woman never wants to hear is that you have abnormal pap test and that’s what I learned today.
I had my yearly exam back in February but just now find out my results (and only because I called and asked about them). Now I’m freaking out and my stomach is one big ball of anxiety. I’m extremely nervous.
After 3 years of normal pap smears, to have one come back as abnormal...
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Coping
I guess when I think about it, things are getting better but other times I’m just simply coping. When it comes to some things at least.
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Motivation is slowly returning although certainly not fast enough.
Not fast enough for me to make important decisions.
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Update: antidepressant dosage
Saw my doctor today and talked to her about increasing my dosage for my antidepressant. I’ve been bumped up to 75mg now. So I’m going to be taking two pills a day; a 50mg and a 25mg because they don’t make a 75mg pill. We’re going to see how that works with me. She asked if I wanted to do 100mg but I was hesitant about it. I don’t want too much too fast so it’s...
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Loss of Interest
I miss certain things. I miss playing my piano and I miss dancing to my Just Dance games. But this mental illness has just made me unmotivated to do much.
I mean I want to play my piano and play my dance games but I just can’t seem to motivate myself enough to do so.
Although, lately I’ve felt a little more interested; a little more motivated to do so. Still not really enough...
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I think I’m doing ok in regards to The Incident. I thought I had mostly gotten over it; was handling it. But then something triggers my memory and I realize I’m not doing as ok as I thought. This morning it was something said on the news that triggered it for me. I actually got shaky again and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
This isn’t ok. This keeps happening...
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Friends and Depression
I do wonder what my friends think about me now. Now that they know I have depression and anxiety, what do they think about me? Does it change the way they view me as a person?
With all this stigma I can’t help but be curious to know. They know it’s a serious illness and I know they are glad I got help. But does it make them think any less of me knowing that I’m suffering from...
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In need of answers
I’m requesting help from any mental health professionals or anyone who might be able to help answer my question.
I am currently in psychotherapy for depression and anxiety issues. My therapist has the credentials of MS, LMHC. A few weeks ago she recommended I talk to my regular doctor about taking an antidepressant to help me. She doesn’t normally recommend medicine for her patients...
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Dosage increase needed
[[MORE]]My therapist thinks I might need to have the dosage of my antidepressant increased. I’m on 50mg of Zoloft right now.
Things have gotten better for me since I’ve started taking it but there’s definitely room for improvement. I’m still having some symptoms. I’m still pretty indecisive and I did have a few depressive episodes last week.. Oddly enough, they...
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I wonder what it would have been like if I had done the traditional college thing. You know move away to college after graduating high school and live in a dorm with a roommate and such.
I didn’t want it exactly but I feel like I missed out on something.
Perhaps if I had, I wouldn’t have such social anxiety when it comes to trying to meet people.
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Lately I’ve taken to having a stuffed friend with me when watching TV.
I just feel the need for company and comfort for some reason. No idea why though.
I don’t think I’m feeling lonely exactly but then again, perhaps I am.
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How long
Since starting my antidepressant, I can’t help but wonder how long I will be taking it. I realize that I may not be taking it forever but at the same time, who really knows.
It helps that I’m also in therapy as well since I know the combination of both taking medicine and being in therapy will help me out a great deal.
To be perfectly honest, I don’t feel like I’ll ever...
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My self doubts are back. Starting to feel like I should focus on Library Assistant positions instead of full on Librarian positions. That way I build up experience and confidence before I’m completely in charge.
I still don’t feel confident in my ability to be a full librarian.
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Understanding depression
As I was really only officially diagnosed last month, I’ve been trying to understand the debilitating effects of this illness. I’ve been trying to understand the symptoms and deal with them the best I know how. I’m learning to adjust to a “new” normal for me. I’m coming to grips with being diagnosed and what exactly that means for me.
Also now that I’m...
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I don’t know if my mental health issues are making this more difficult for me or if the situation itself and deadline I’m under is making it worse.
Regardless this is not helping me.
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Having to make important decisions and motivate yourself to apply for jobs when you are still adjusting to your medicine for your depression and anxiety is not helpful.
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Still some sadness
Up until this point, I seem to be doing relatively ok in terms of my emotional breakdowns due to my depression. I am having less breakdowns and feeling much better.
However, last night and also today, I’ve had moments where I just felt sad for no apparent reason.
It’s not as bad as it used to be so I know it’s gotten better but still. It’s just a little puzzling to...
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More questions
Ever since I was officially diagnosed as having depression and anxiety and began taking medicine, I feel like I’ve come up with a lot of questions. Questions that may never really have an answer.
How long have I been suffering and I mean really suffering? Was there any early indications when I first sought therapy/counseling?
I remember when i first sought help, I took an online...
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I’m glad I’m finally taking medicine to help me with my anxiety and depression. I’m glad I’m finally starting to get better and starting to feel normal.
But at the same time, sometimes I kinda miss my emotional breakdowns. I know it’s weird but for some reason I do.
